Memoirs of the Countess of Death

Dying from the inside out, a stillness set in stone trapped within my own mind. This endless void where my heart should be, replaced by the heaviness of pain and disappointment. The feeling of disappointment hurts nearly as bad as betrayal. Told to look forward but always looking back. Eyes wide open wishing they were shut. Never dreams all that remains are worries and despair. Dreams are for the young and the rest is left to me is empty and cold. Short lived happiness is all I’ve ever known. It seems I should wish for depression since there is no shortage of that. Perhaps it is too much to hope for fulfillment in ones existence these days. Oh void less despair will I ever be free from your grasp? Will this heaviness in my heart ever leave will my tears be of happiness? Will the truth ever reveal it’s self to me? Trusting thy missing heart will to return to me.

Violation in the dark, While I dream of you. Breathless am I... Oblivious to the crime at hand Adrift in my dreams... Strangers HANDS in the darkness. My dreams suddenly change to nightmares!!! Awaken only to see the face of your Predator! Not the face of my beloved... Flooded by the emotion of Disdain, and Horror!!! USED!!! EXPLOITED!!! VIOLATED!!! Never again!!! Never again!!!!

I drown in the memories, of the ones who lived long ago... Take Solace in the pain of, thee unworthy!! Fill thy chalice with my blood... Mockery Everlasting!!! Veins filled with Venom, heart felt darkness... Blood filled tears come forth from thy eyes.. Mourn thy lost... Stand vigilant over the pests!!!

Alone suffering under the blood moon... Waiting for my end to come... Longing for the love I lost, centuries ago... Memories haunt me, from ancient times... I walk through the dark passages, of the past... Searching for all that I had thought was long gone... I take solace in the knowledge, that I will find what has been taken from me... I will follow you in the beautiful darkness, for all eternity!!!

The flames within my dismal soul, grows by each passing moment... Your very presence sickens me! FREAK! BASTARD! ABOMINATION!!! Fantasies of your fated demise... Blood everywhere! Die! Foul creature!!! Laughter echoes within my tormented mind... As visions of your pathetic exsistance comes, to an end!!! Reality realized... As I taste the blood of thy enemy! Bemused as I watch your life, fade away... Vengeance is mine!! I reign victorious over thee!! Sword in thy hand, Carcass beneath me! Watching your withering rotting flesh dwelling for breath bellow me! Ohhh my sweet taste for Vengeance!

Self indulgence Through Self Destruction Our Demons reveal the skies of crimson... Screams everywhere!!! Vile are the children of Christ! I bathe in the blood of our enemies... Revulsion overtakes me... Asphyxiation of the soul... Mortal death comes.. As the flesh falls as well as your essence from your meaningless shell... Lifeless and empty are the eyes of the damned... Callous am I for I lust for the pain of, wretchedness and self destruction!

I waited for you at the end of eternity... A journey never ending... The longing I feel for you in, the darkness... A pain so overwhelming... Tears fill my eyes, with the memories of ancient times... Cries fill my mind... Torn from thy arms of my beloved... Centuries forgotten love, found once again...

Souls ripped apart, With our flesh parted once more... Our paths divided... The longing unbearable... Hearts cry deep within the, darkness of our own personal hell... Seeking the beat of your heart. Thine essence of your soul.. Piercing stares gazing, though my very spirit... Touched but,Untouched... Lost within the twilight... Fated again to reunite, in darkness of thine night.

Touched by the lips of a demon, with eyes so cold... My body burns for the touch, your hands upon my breasts... I wait for you in deaths, eternal slumber.. In the stillness of the dark, I feel your flesh within me... Penetrating the depths, of my being... Desire coursing through, my veins... No longer at deaths forgotten door. Passion everlasting...

I walk alone in the darkness... As the cold wind brushes against my cheek... I yearn to hear the voice, of mournings beloved son... Walk past times forgotten child... Forever lost in times past... Take away these webs upon, my eyes... So that I may gaze upon, your eyes once more. Immortal is my love, for thee... Only to feel sorrow and loss through, the ages of time.

I wander across the depths of Hell... In Search of the soul I lost, so very long ago... Lucid are these visions in, my minds eye... Only to discover my, fated lover. I scream one last time, as my breath escapes me one last time... Tears Fallen... Your face fades, within the smoldering darkness... Whispers of passion I, lost and will always remember. I love you....

INFERNAL DEAD,DEATH IN THE AIR! CORPSES OF MANY... DAMNED EVERYWHERE! MY BLADE IN HAND! TERROR IN YOUR EYES, WATCHFUL AM I. YOUR BLOOD EVERYWHERE! BLOOD STAINED LIPS.. MY LUSTFUL HATE GROWS... DESTINED FOR PAIN, ETERNAL SORROW...

Lost are the sands of the ages... falling through my hands.. My tears runs forth, as each grain in time blows adrift. I try in vain to catch all these moments, in time... I long to mourn for the loss, of these tragic memories... Never to gain the bliss, I once had with you. Lost for all time with out my beloved...

The putrid smell of humanity sickens me! I brood on when I might return to my ancestral home... Visions of all the fallen angels in the deepest pits of hell! Bemused by the tormentor... As you stand a top the highest spire, blood fills the skies... Somber am I While many are enticed by, your malevolent eyes! Callous am I, as I watch you feed upon, the Carnal lust of the weak... My mind fills as I hear the legions cries! Rage fills me with revulsion! when my infernal visions of, home came to an end...

The touch of cold hands in my hair... And I knew you, were there... My long lost love I lost centuries ago... The flames within my heart smoldering in the darkness... Eyes like dark obsidian... Seducer of many! Tormentor to all!!! Standing vigilant amongst your legions.. Ready for the battle beyond the Black Gates! The skies cloaked in eternal darkness... Screams of agony rings through the air... Standing silent by your side... Emerging victorious!! in the dismal kingdom of hell

I wait in my master's chamber's.. So that I may feed upon his flesh... I hunger for the taste of his mouth upon mine... His flesh upon my flesh... I scream in ecstasy as he, takes me within his arms... A pain so pleasurable... Bedeviled by his touch. Desire still burns within me, craving eternal pleasure!!!

I wait for you in the shadows of the night... Walking along the dark pools of blight.. I stand beneath the starless night, with thy blood upon my hands! Tears come forth from my eyes... Your hands upon my face. Consuming all my pain. Vile laughter fills me... As the madness emerges in my mind... Your dark embrace stifles, the insanity in my already tormented soul.. You are my savior!, you are my sovereign, my love...

I loathe those who try to imprison, my spirit! They say I am an abomination! That I am a blight... I laugh at them with my nefarious smile.. Whom and what are you? You cannot judge me!!! I can see what you truly can, become... I see your failure... your anguish.. Thy pain brings me pleasure! I embrace the darkness in my soul. Visions of the lost ones, cast in the lake of fire! Lost for eternity...

I look within the darkness found the tormented... I feel the cold hands of hellish fiends... from the depths of HELL! Tearing at my flesh! I writhe in pain! As you stand there and watch... pain becomes pleasure as I, stare within your empty eyes... Chains of fate fall away, as my strength emerges! Take my hand your strength, so enticing... Rise forth in the dismal night... Malevolent souls loom in the distance. Vigilant we stand, over thy enemies... Devour the weak!

Stalking the storms of fire... As the vile ones tear at my eyes! Falling under the tormented vice, demon eyes gaze upon me with , revulsion! As the dark sun sets upon, darkness child.. Dwelling in the kingdom of eternal night. End this infernal sight!!!

A century in the Darkness... Plagued with visions of, Madness and Pain!!! Imprisoned by chains of, solitude... Sanity Lost.... Blinded by sorrow... Infernal voices invade my mind... The cries grow louder and louder!!!! as I lay dying asphyxiated, by the blood of my ancestors... I will again rise forth!! Vengeance will be mine !!! No longer the victim... For I've become the light within the darkness...

ORACLE BY BIRTH, BOTH CURSED AND BLESSED PAINFUL ARE THE MEMORIES FROM, THE PAST... EMPTY ARE THE EYES, FROM WHICH MY POWER FLOWS... MY TRUE NATURE APPARENT, REFLECTIONS OF BOTH BEAUTY AND TERROR... VOICES INVADE MY MIND, IMAGES OF SUFFERING... NEVER WILL I KNOW TRUE SILENCE, NEVER ALONE... PLAGUED BY YOUR PAIN, AND WAVES OF TRUE PLEASURE...

I am the vessel of torment... I feed off your pain... I have visions of emptiness, you have inside. I feel what you cannot. It tears me apart... I care not of my own exsistance... My empathy is for you. I give what you cannot. Devoid of sorrow,pain, and love...

In the Black cathedral of hell, where the demons plague the skies... The Infernal majesty reign over those, who died.. Mournful are the lost ones, never to be found... The screams of terror, like a bitter sweet symphony... Lustful thoughts as I fall, into an eternal slumber.. Farewell sweet beast...

So reigns the beast and his lady, Upon their thrones of Obsidian... A darkness so vast, I hear the cries in the night... Pleasure and pain are one and the same.. I breathe in the misery of the weak... He feeds on the carnal lusts of others. Mockery a midst the madness, solace in their own sadness.

In the vast valley of Darkness, The blood moon rises... My chalice runneth over... Awaiting our Sovereign father... Our legions cry out Infernal Master!!! The land trembles as the great beast rises forth! My soul!,My flesh! this is my sacrifice! In the crimson skies angels begin to cry! O' mournful night! With blood in thine eyes! I see my master rise! So ends my infernal night...

I kneel before the throne of my sovereign, my devotion is unyielding... I lay at his feet as he commandeth his legions... I revel in the power he has. His power is everlasting, he who is most beautiful... He grants me power over thine enemies, grants me my every desire.. my allegiance eternal! and my love everlasting... Read more: http://www.myspace.com/redfairy72/blog?page=7#ixzz0zigj2NQu

Shards of glass shattered, all around me! With my demon eyes staring back at me! I see the darkness behind my eyes! Ready to come forth! From the depths of hell, I hear the screams of a thousand demons! beneath me , waiting for chaos to be unleashed! Curse thee and smite those, who causes me pain! and anguish!

His kingdom reigns! Over the weak without solace... Raging strength bursts forth from the darkness within... I evoke thee, He who is most beautiful! Grant me power over my enemies! Rise and come forth! I feel the earth tremble as my master comes forth!

Stealing kisses in winter, When I only lost you just last November... Now there is only fire embers... Where you used to be... Dust in my hands, tears in wind, just a distant memory... Haunting my void less soul. Chills run through the air, as the rain wets my face. Always here! Gone Tomorrow! Always lost! Never Found...

Engulfed in flames, These dreams remain the same, Accusing eyes set upon me... I will rise again! Persecute me no longer! Filled with defiant laughter! Defile me no longer!

Unholy woman walking, As the darkness veils the skies, Blood tears running from her eyes! Thorns in her black heart... She walks past the place of unrest... She gazes at you with the look of utter disgust! Curse you! Damn you! I am the blasphemer! I am the black pearl in the serpents eyes!

I gave you my darkness... You gave me a stare, my heart bleeds for you, and yours bleeds for me... Eyes like obsidian, smoldering in the darkness... Soul entwined in a fine glass of wine. I taste the darkness from your, mouth as it spills from your lips... Desire burns... Sorrow Follows.

Your mouth intoxicates me chills run through me... Your piercing stares possesses me, enraptured by your presence... My heart races for you... My mouth hungers for the taste of your flesh! I yearn for your warm embrace, Intoxicated by your love....

Shadows all around me I gaze at with unrest. No rest for the wicked, Numb like all the rest... A crown of thorns upon the beast. No solace, no sorrow swallowing my tears I look upon my self to wonder who am I ? and is this a test? The burdens, of life, grows ever powerful, and yet leaves me full of wonder...

You writhe in agony! I scream for more!!! I hear your cries for help!! As I laugh at you so defiantly!! You wretch as the legions feast upon your flesh... I watch you intensely as you lie there dying... No flesh, or bone.... Your soul is what I crave, as I lick my lips in anticipation of, Consuming your dark soul! "whispers" I want more.... So much more....

In between dusk and dawn, Our souls have become entwined, some where between love and hate, I found you and then you were lost to me. in that same instant... At that moment I knew, that we would someday meet again at the Infernal gates of hell. Our union blessed by fire.... Our souls tormented no more!! legions of demons cry forevermore! Mistress and Master reunited eternally!

In the cold of the night, I no longer felt my heart beating, I lie awake screaming! Stolen in still of night.... with No solace! Only darkness where my heart used to be. Cruel are the fates, in my infernal hell...

You soothe my already ravenous appetite for your soul... With piercing eyes the cries in my head have grown calm... Visions of our past life weighs upon my already dead heart. Haunting me endlessly.... Discord that plagues our life.. I grow numb from all the pain, the madness of life is without end. I only find solace in your arms.

Blood upon the lips of my lover takes me to places I’ve long forgotten… Thy energy fills my mouth, my mind and my body. Taken within the arms of my lover, He is the spider ready to eat its prey. I am the prey who will not get away and nor do I desire too. My love gave me the blood of life! I give you a part of me that is sweeter than any rare wine. Partake of my essence as this is my gift to you. Your life’s blood fulfills me as my blood fulfills you. The blood is the life and thy life is eternal. I long for the sweet taste of your blood smeared lips upon me over and over again. Bloods kiss upon me dripping from thy mouth coursing down my body. Oh such sweet delights I see within your eyes. Drowning within pools I see within your eyes… I am forever yours thy love eternal.

Finding the inner creature that is me. I feel as if I have been a sleep for eons with memories of my former life or rather lives I had lived. Trickling though like small drops of water containing bits of experiences I had so long ago. Going through an awaking to my life long past my very essence of who I truly am. I know there is much knowledge I must recall and my hopes are that I gain back all that I am before I go into my next stage of being. Feelings of love,hate,lust flooding back into me. My only complaint is the shell I have been given falling apart from the seams. Wanting to be the strong fierce priestess I was so very long ago. My most reoccurring memories are of the pyramids of Egypt as the sunsets behinds them. Such a beautiful site even today as they stand aged from sands of time. They've not lost a single bit the rays of gold and skies of red and orange making these great pyramids appear obsidian in color. It is no wonder this memory replays in mind over and over...

Now when I hear this song it truly fills my heart with Satanic pride and if you are also a Satanist I'm sure you could understand how this makes me feel. Wings of Satan, orb my heart! It burns with love for you. And it is ready now, to receive thee. Claws of darkness, tear my soul! For I have chosen the night And branded its seal into my flesh. Lead me to the catacombs Where light of neither sun nor moon Disturbs the dark in vaults, Possessed by molten evil manifest. There I shall kiss the goat and piss on god. Sundering the molecules that bind This world together with me. An abortion of the cosmic bride, Shunned like death and cast aside. Cross starless skies now let us ride... A spear of fire staked the skies. The graves sprung open. The chains that sealed the hungry deeps Had now been broken. Open now, abode of Satan's powers! Where the shells of evil burn The very eyes of god, And the womb of the world. It is from this wellspring of blazing de...

My first day back home as I would like see it as was great. To arrive to my find my father building the sacred fire and then soon after went to check into my hotel. As soon I dropped my belongings off. I returned to find more of my brothers and sister in Satan. Some were new faces and of course the faces I have come to love as family. Well I had grabbed some food from within and talked with my sisters and later saw that more of my family had arrived and others pitching their tent up for the weeks celebration for Beltane. I wish I could camp out I love the outdoors and the moon was so beautiful to gaze upon. But it truly is a joy to my soul to be able to sit with my family around a fire with those hearts so filled with dedication for Satan. I look forward to seeing what tomorrow will bring. Today is another day and I woke earlier than expected and I am very ecstatic to see what the day will bring. I wish that some of my other sisters and brothers could have come but life goes...

This are some of the thoughts and feelings of one very disappointed Priestess. I have given so much of my time to those who I thought wanted a place to share their views and knowledge. But apparently I have a few that do care on a site of nearly 900 hundred members. I feel like I shouldn't care either hell I only wasted two and half years of my life for those who don't give a shit. Now I know there are some dedicated Pagans and Satanists on the site. But apparently because of my association to a certain organization I and my family are being seen as a cult and that couldn't furthest from the truth. This isn't the first time I had felt like I should shut my site down. But I know there is a dedicated few who would be saddened by me throwing in the towel so to speak. My duty to Satan comes first and foremost and my love for my children and husband should be my only focus. But I have always felt like I care a bit to much and end up in putting myself second. I...

Portable Altar/Travel Altar For many of you who travel or cannot practice your beliefs freely openly may appreciate having something such as this useful. 1. One appropriate sized wooden box finished or unfinished. I personally would prefer an unfinished on so that you can make some more personal touches to it. The being less to the practitioner. 2. One small to medium sized chalice or goblet. 3. An athame 4. One small cloth black in color with or without design on it no bigger than the standard sized bandanna. 5. One small statuette of your deity. 6. One small incense holder 7. Incense sticks or cones “Dragons Blood” preferably. 8. Candles small in size along with tiny glass holders if possible. Now I will try to include as many links to give you some idea of things that will work well for your portable altar/travel altar. As for my reason for doing this well I have encountered many who cannot have a personal full sized altar as they may not live with those who open minded ...

I find beauty deep within the veil of darkness That is to be my homecoming to my next life I feel this great light with in my soul. The black flame burns brightly within me. Gaze deep in the eyes of obsidian. Shimmering hair of embers Flesh of finely carved marble. Horns of strength raised up high! Gather around our father Satan… Master of the earth! He who has given us free will! Eternally I will be priestess for Satanas! Grant me the knowledge of the Dark Arts!                                                                                         ...